Monday, March 25, 2013

CALL ME MAYBE...UMM, NO

Being a mom has made me very talented over the years.  I've learned that I have the ability to perform yoga stretches while reaching into the backseat of a moving car, trying to find a sippy cup or pacifier. I've learned how to eat half a meal, standing up, while washing dishes, in about 5 minutes, and I've developed an uncanny ability to decode the contents of poop and draw a reasonable diagnosis. Yes, I 've been very blessed to have learned so many new things.  However, talking on the phone is not one of them.  Seriously, talking on the phone with kids in the house is completely pointless, in my opinion. First of all, who has time to talk on the telephone?  I don't.  I don't think I do.  Calls seem to come in at the busiest time of the day, the evening.  I'm trying to cook dinner, help with homework, clean up an activity set out to occupy the toddler so I can cook dinner, throw in a load of laundry, put up clothes and restore some order to the house.  There is way too much activity going on.  The only soul I need to call on is Jesus.  Help Me Jesus!  My already scattered brain is overcrowded and then the phone rings.  Somehow, I am supposed to be able to think clearly and function.  Most of the time, it just doesn't happen that way. I'm tired and I'm cranky and the last thing I want to do is be on the phone. 

FOR THESE REASONS:

1.  The phone is actually my toddler's. (I'm just borrowing it.)

2.  My other children believe the phone is merely a means to get their attention.  ( A shipment of q&a is on the way)

3.  I have no idea what you are saying. (Do you hear that tot in the background?  Yeah, I do too.)

4.  I will agree with you and have no idea what you are saying. ( I can't hear you. Not at all.)

5.  I usually have no idea what I'm saying. ( Can you hear me now?)

6.  I will say anything just to get off the phone. ( Because I still have no idea what you are saying and a mini war is about to break out in the kitchen- over half-eaten pencil erasers)




This pretty much sums it up.  One day, I will rejoin the forces and talk again.  (Besides, I need to make use of this $100 phone bill)   Until then, just send me a text message.  I can handle that.