Thursday, June 27, 2013

Reasons I'm Late

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As much as I try, it always seems inevitable.  I'm going to be late.  No matter how early I get up, how soon I start getting people ready and no matter how many times I go through that crumpled mental checklist in my head, it always seems to happen.  So I've figured it out... Why I'm late.  I wonder if these are valid excuses.

My child has to poop and we just came from the potty.

I can't find my keys.  They're in my hand.

I said we're about to leave 100 times and no one knows.

The children are outside following the imaginary yellow brick road instead of getting in the car.

This is the perfect time to decide we're thirsty or hungry.

Someone turned the TV off out of spite.

Someone is having a meltdown because it is their job to turn the TV off.

Oh, are we actually supposed to EAT breakfast?

Someone is wearing breakfast.

Breakfast is the perfect time to argue whose banana is the yellowest.

I don't know where my phone is. 

I don't know where the kids are.

Leaving seems like the perfect time to discuss the causes of World War II.

Someone needs to sort legos immediately.

Someone decides they need to find something that has been MIA for 6 months.

One is having a hysterical fit because insects like flies, butterflies, and bees actually live outside.

Where are my kids?

I need to stop and pray.

The kids have stopped to play.

We can't find the baby Moses book.  It's in the bag.

Oh, we need to put shoes on to go somewhere?

Why are you wearing long sleeves when it's 100 degrees outside?

Someone decides they need an immediate wardrobe change.

Someone is throwing a fit because they can't find their 50 cent and God forbid we stop at a store.

I'm still praying.

We're going outside?  Let me get my scooter, bicycle, bouncy ball, hoola hoop, football, and Frisbee.

Take it back.

We are having withdrawal symptoms because we want a pacifier. 

Mommy can't think.  Where are my keys?  They're still in my hand.